No Longer Running Away from Everything Good

I'm a runner, and I have been for as long as I've been aware of myself.
When I say "runner" I don't mean I love pounding the pavement drenched in sweat for long periods of time (in fact, I pretty much hate that kinda thing).

No, when I say "I'm a runner" I mean I give up easy.
I quit when it gets hard.
I run off when it looks like I'll never make it.
And I don't like to begin things that I know I may never finish.

I have drawers in my desk full of un-used supplies, shelves and shelves of un-read books, and boxes and boxes of unfinished things, sitting, undecided on.

As a kid, when all of us siblings would be playing games, if it looked like my side was going to lose, I'd throw down my toys, throw up my hands and say "I'm quitting!" much to the chagrin of my brothers and sisters. "That's not fair!" they'd say (and rightly so) "you have to keep playing! At least finish the game."

No, no, no...

I definitely like things simple, easy, "one-shot" and do-able.

Marathons? Five year plans? Long-term relationships?
Those haven't ever been for me.

Fight or flight response?
I'd rather fly, than stay & tough things out and see them through to the end.

Now, this is nothing to brag about, really. I know! Believe me, if I had a choice of anything I could change about myself it would be this. I'm not even sure were this deep-rooted dislike of all things long-termed and commitment-like came from (besides the fact that normal human nature often manifests in things like this.) And I don't even know why I started running away from everything. Even things that were good, and I should have stayed and waited for.

I can't even remember how many promised plans, friendships, relationships, and projects I've given up because I just couldn't stick with them. It's a scary thought. The idea of giving account for all the times I've "given up" is...well, frankly appalling. I've never much thought about it. And if I ever did wonder what it'd be like to be 90 years old, sitting back and looking for something, anything! that I had finished in my life --really done well--and not being able to remember anything....
Well. (Best to ignore that, right? Don't focus on the faults too much! etc)

But that's what it comes down to doesn't it? Legacy.
When I'm my grandma's age, and I've lived my life and I've had my shares of joy and sadness, good days and bad days, success and failure, I do want to be able to hear people say of me, "Hannah? oh she's a tough one, she is. So patient, so diligent! When the going got rough, she'd never give up. Not ever!"

I don't want to hear people say of me, "Well, I love her, but you know Hannah. She could never stick to anything, God bless her. Not for all the money in the world could you get that woman to stay with something longer than she felt like it. It's too bad; made it hard on the folks around her, not that she knew though."

See?
Thinking ahead like that sobers one.
So I'm thinking ahead, and I realized several things while doing my thinking:

1. It is indeed possible to change myself. It may be slow, and it may be painful, but it's definitely not an impossible process! 
2. If I want something done badly enough, I generally tend to make it happen, whether I realize that or not. Now, if I just turned all that energy towards things I need to see done (verus just wants), imagine what I could accomplish! It would astound.
3. Where human, selfish nature gets in the way, the Spirit is always ready to step in and pull us through things. Instead of throwing up my hands and walking away when things get too hard, I need to let God's grace take over. (Well, I should let His grace run my life anyway though, right? :)

Here's a verse that I found to apply right to my problem area. If it helps you too, good!

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for you: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather boast in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Cor. 12:9)